Everyone Has A STAR WARS Story and Here's Ours
Remember Star Wars...?
THIS WEEK:
When we were excited about Star Wars…and when we stopped being excited
WE RECOMMEND: “The Spectacular Failure of the Star Wars Hotel”
BEHIND THE PAY WALL: A pick-up line
In May 1977, a young Mark Spitz-lookalike and a then-quiet pixie-haired girl with Debbie Reynolds eyes went to the movies for their first date. The movie was Star Wars.
Turns out, not only did the girl hate Star Wars but she hated all movies.
While this sounds like it would be typical Buddy and Romeo scenario, it is not in fact a retelling of a Real Romeo or Real Buddy disaster date. Not only were Real Buddy and Real Romeo not present, incredibly, that date wasn’t a disaster. Quite the contrary.
Three years after their Star Wars date, Mark Spitz and Debbie Reynolds got married.
And four years after that — they became DiPerri’s PARENTS! It’s a miracle!
I first saw the original Star Wars trilogy when they were re-released as “Special Editions” in 1997. I saw them with my sisters, my cousin and my cousin’s soon-to-be wife.
I saw Episode I: The Phantom Menace with Real Buddy and our 8th grade friends. As we left the theater, we agreed it was the best movie we’d ever seen (HA. Real Buddy also felt this way after seeing Jurassic Park III. Real Romeo felt this way after seeing Batman and Robin). When I was junior, I took my high school girlfriend to Episode II: Attack of the Clones perhaps hoping a date that paralleled that of my parents’ first date would work in my favor (Ha! Also, Attack of the Clones is the worst of the original six films). Sophomore year of college, I saw Episode III: Revenge of the Sith with the same cousin with whom I’d seen the original trilogy and Unreal Mark Spitz himself, my dad.
When Frega and DiPerri met, she’d never seen any Star Wars movies. After great deliberation and considerable inner turmoil, DiPerri opted to show the films in episode order instead of release order. A risky move. This meant her introduction to the saga would be with the slow at times The Phantom Menace as opposed to the slow at times original 1977 Star Wars (A New Hope). As I recall, she was a good sport for Episodes I and II and enjoyed (?) Revenge of the Sith and The Empire Strikes Back.
Upon the release of Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Real Buddy and Real Romeo bought lightsabers (Real Buddy had Obi Wan Kenobi’s lightsaber; Real Romeo had Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber). We enjoyed many duels through high school and college. We had a great one in our high school auditorium after rehearsal for the musical Grease senior year (he was Kenickie; I was Sonnny). But the greatest of all was one night in our college art building’s illustration studio. We shut all the lights off, which is notable because we weren’t the only ones working in the studio that night! About five or six of our other illustration classmates were in the studio and suspended their painting process while two idiots chased each other through the dark studio with glowing blue lightsabers. The duel only ended because one of us caught the corner of a desk in the middle of the room. Not a serious injury but enough to make us not want to play anymore. I’m sure our classmates were glad have the lights back on and resume work.
Also, shout out to a couple of our professors, who subscribe to this Substack. With the previous story and these silly comics, I’m not sure I’ve made you proud but I’m eternally grateful for your lasting influence and the wealth of knowledge your imparted upon us nonetheless.
We (Frega + DiPerri and Unreal Mark Spitz) saw each of the “Sequel Trilogy” (or “Disney Star Wars Trilogy”) movies with the same cousin and his wife (from the 1997 Special Editions) and their three semi-grown children (they were in middle and high school at the time). We all loved The Force Awakens and Rogue One.
We did not like The Last Jedi. None of us. When Broom Boy used the force at the end of the movie, I remember saying “I feel like I just watched the end of the saga.” At the time, I didn’t realize that [spiritually and emotionally] I’d also watched the end of the franchise (It’s important to note that while Real Romeo did not like The Last Jedi, Real Buddy DID. And maybe you did too. It’s a divisive film. Google it).
After The Last Jedi, Unreal Mark Spitz never watched a Star Wars movie or TV show again. Frega + DiPerri tried watching The Mandalorian but were bored stiff with episode 1; DiPerri fell asleep during episode 2; and after that they abandoned the show altogether. We watched Obi-Wan Kenobi (which he desperately wanted to be good) and were disappointed. Had Disney+ never existed, Obi-Wan Kenobi might have had a chance of being a good movie in theaters. Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christiansen (and the franchise for that matter) deserved better. We haven’t returned to the galaxy far, far, away since.
Come to think of it, we never saw Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker.
And we never will.
Star Wars used to be a big deal but then, in 2012, it became a big deal. When Bob Iger shook George Lucas’ hand and announced that Episode VII was coming in 2015 with the original cast, I was ecstatic and thought that in Disney’s hands, Star Wars was safe and would prosper. But Star Wars was mishandled and misunderstood. It has suffered commercial over saturation and cash grab movies with weak stories, rampant plot holes and canonical issues, derivative characters. Between Kathleen Kennedy’s poor leadership at Lucasfilm and Iger turning a blind eye to how Star Wars was being handled, trust in quality and excitement for a once beloved entertainment property is gone.
But in a weird way, I wouldn’t even exist without Star Wars. What am I supposed to say? “thanKK you star wars?”
There it is.
Bring your friends!
I’ve been watching Jenny Nicholson’s Star Wars and Marvel videos for years. She covers other topics and whether the subject interests me or not, I always find her videos thoroughly amusing, well scripted, and carefully edited. Her videos tend to be long and far between. It’s been nearly a year since her last video and her most recent video “The Spectacular Failure of the Star Wars Hotel” is a mind-blowing four hours and five minutes. I’m just over three hours in (spread across as many days) and am, as with all of her videos, entertained.
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